The Perfect Silhouette
by Stolie Silver
Summary: "Sam, you are obviously in a lot of pain. Why don't you try using your voice instead of your body to tell us why you are hurting, to tell us what you need."  Sams story on the impossible climb to perfection. Anorexica. maybe seddie. DISCONTINUED.
1. Chapter 1: Imperfect

**The Perfect Silhouette**

_"An imperfect body reflects an imperfect person."_

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><p>"1,2,3" she said aloud. Sam stood in front of her cracked full length mirror in her room. She had long ago removed her shirt and sweat pants, leav<strong>i<strong>ng them discarded in a heap on the floor by her feet.

She repeated the number's again aloud before taking a deep breath in, sticking her chest out, pushing the fat from her stomach up into her rib cage, making the allusion that she was smaller than the disgusting display that started back at her. The mirror's eyes flashed deviously for a moment, shocking Sam a bit, for she knew that she had in fact not made it herself.

She backed up slightly, just far enough to 'admire' the thin hollowed out image of her stomach. It was a beautiful sight in her mind, the perfect curves and the bumpy ripplely terrain that was her stomach was now flat, the ribs an inch above poking out; reassuring her that perfection was close.

Her lungs squeezed together, and her head became dizzy from lack of oxygen. She gave herself one last glance over before releasing the breath she was holding, watching the reflection she was so proud of unravel into a huge lumpy and jiggly mess. Groaning she let her body go limp, weak from the air she had refused to give her lungs, and fell backwards onto the hardwood floor, the crunch of the wrappers beneath her, making loud rustles in her ears.

Feeling short of breath she closed her eyes for a moment, breathing hard and loud, gasping every few minutes to steady the thumping in her brain and the tight pounding in her chest.

She reached her hand up to the large mountain she called her stomach, grazing her hands along the bottom on her chest, from the edge of her bra, her fingers lightly over the enormous bulge, dipping her fingers into the creases and over her rolls until she made it to the edge of her panties.

She clenched her hands around the mass, fingers digging into her skin painfully; it was almost like she was hoping that she could fully grab it into her hands and off her body. Tears started to form in her eyes, her baby blues darkening under the thick water.

She hissed as her fingers continued to bore into her delicate skin, her finger nails bending and breaking, the skin under them, making them bleed. Bending her head back in pain, the wrinkle and crunch of the empty junk food wrappers under her echoed in her ears reminding her of what she had just done.

She could feel the cru**m**bs stuck in her teeth as she ran her tounge along them, and the guilty bitter taste in her mouth. It was sickeningly sweet but a heavenly relief her to abused stomach. It was beginning to be a challenge to keep any food in her stomach for a long period of time, either by choice or by force.

Two months, it had been a long two months since this had started, and she had done, in her opinion, a marvellous job at hiding it. Though it wasn't much of a challenge because the three closest people to her where not only the nicest, but also the most dense to the true horror's around them. It was like they lived in their own world, full of bubble gum and cotton candy, which when Sam thought about it made her feel even more sick to her stomach.

It all started those long two months ago when those shirts came out, the ones that told her she wasn't **p**retty enough, wasn't good enough, wasn't beautiful enough, wasn't skinny enough.

"Eat Less."

And it was engraved into her brain ever since.

Carly had went out and bought them when they first came out, saying it was the newest trend and that everyone was going to be wearing them at school the next day. She had, being a good friend, bought Sam one as well, saying they would look so cute together walking down the hallway. She herself had questioned the shirts at first, knowing in the back of her mind that this wasn't something she wanted to be a part of, but she put that little nagging feeling into the back of her mind, hoping it would get lost in the mess of everything else, but it never did.

She hated that shirt.

Carly had gotten extra smalls for the both of them, and it had complimented her so well. The tight fit clung to her perfect figure, outlining her curves, making them look more defined. It was tight around her small chest, giving them the illusion that they were larger. Her hips curved out more, the gray of the shirt complementing her beautiful skin tone, matching the light blush in her cheeks.

She couldn't help but glare at the perfect girl in front of her. She was so embarrassed of herself, the shirt didn't fit like hers did, it didn't complement her body, didn't bring out her natural curves or brighten her complexion, no, it made her look fat.

The extreme tight fit flattened her chest out, making her look boxy and flat, not to mention uncomfortable. It didn't outline and enhance her curves but blew up every roll and every indent, and made her obvious muffin top more prominent. The light gray colour made her look washed out and pale, her blue eyes looked dull and lifeless, unlike Carly's bright sparkly ones.

Moving her head over to the side, she could still see that shirt, draped over the side of her dresser, the memories of that day stuck to them like glue.

She and Carly had worn them to school the next day, Carly feeling confident as always, and Sam hiding in her overly large zip up hoodi**e**. Almost every girl in school was wearing them, just like Carly predicted, boys complementing their girlfriends on how they looked, others disgusted by the sight. Freddie had given them both disapproving looks when they had walked into school, Carly complaining on how he didn't know anything about fashion and going on and on about how good she looked in it.

It wasn't that moment when she realized that she needed to change; it was lunch later that day. Carly had grabbed her before lunch, practically forcing her out of her hoodie, saying that she should show off that beautiful body to the world. The moment she had stepped into the cafeteria she felt the world stop. She felt as if every eye was on her, starting at her body, their eyes laughing, looking over every imperfection and comparing her to the beautiful shining girl beside her.

Her head began to spin, the echoes of their laughing eyes rang through her head, making her immediately reach her arms around her body, and sucked in as much fat as she could and walked closely behind Carly, afraid one of their judging eyes would spot her.

Sitting down for lunch she set her b**r**own paper bag down onto the table, unloading the lunch Carly had made for her that morning. Three ham sandwiches, two puddings cups, four fat cakes, two bags of mini Barbeque chips and 3 juice packets. It was a lot.

From beside her she could hear snickers, they were muffled, so whomever was making them were trying to cover them up. Turning her head towards the sound she spotted three girls, wearing the same gray t-shirt with the same white writing, with the same evil words written on them. They were all looking at her, their eyes moving from her to the large amount of food placed in front of her.

Ignoring them she went back to her conversation with Carly and her dorky friend, well slightly dorky friend, even she couldn't deny it, even though physically he didn't look that was, mentally he was still that small little nerdy boy.

They hadn't even noticed that she wasn't paying attention as she began to literally almost shove food into her mouth. Carly looked over at her, shaking her head, amused and slightly grossed out, Freddie looking at her also, stopping his conversation with her, looking just about as disgusted, but didn't say anything as he looked back over to Carly and started their conversation once again. Even her closest friends were disgusted by her, but she was just so hungry, so she continued to eat, but at a slower pace.

A few minutes before lunch was due to be over, the snicker girls, who hadn't let up at all during lunch got up, placing their almost none existent lunches in the trash. The tall brunette looked over at her, sensing her eyes on her, she nudged her two other friends, pointing slightly over at her and laughed.

The shorter brunette started grabbing at nothing, but making the gestures as that she was in fact grabbing some fat and jiggling it around, obviously trying to make the silent comment to her. The bother two laughing as another one patted her stomach, signalling that she had a beautiful flat tummy, than stopping, moving one of her hands to point to the loud white letters on her shirt, the tallest one taking her left index finger and started moving it in and out of her mouth, making gestures as if she was puking.

The bell finally rang and Sam hadn't felt so thankful to hear that noise, and quickly got up, every piece of food and every drop of liquid gone. She hadn't bothered to clean up her garbage, always saying that it was what janitors were for, and quickly le**f**t, not saying one word to Carly or Freddie, leaving them with questioning looks.

She hadn't meant to do it the first time, she hadn't sat around and thought about it, she hardly knew what was happening at the time, but she couldn't stop it either. Her head started pounding, and her hands twitched, her breath felt like it was stuck in her throat, and it was like her stomach was on fire, she felt it lurch, and she coughed, covering her mouth.

The girls laughing, their perfect little body's taunting her, Carly's beautiful figure and bright eyes, the judging eyes of everyone in the cafeteria, her reflection in the mirror, the lumps, the bumps, the dents, the fat, the fat, the FAT!

She couldn't take it anymore, the bathroom so close and so comforting, so safe form their eyes.

And that was the first time it happened, the first time she let herself go and be weak.

Two months later things still hadn't changed, she was still weak, and the eyes still judged her, and that reflection in the mirror caught up with h**e**r.

She knew that the puking wasn't going to do much, it would keep her maybe at a steady weight, but it wasn't guaranteed that she wouldn't gain form it. So she had taken up watching when she was eating and what she was eating, and who she was eating in front of. She was always careful to make sure that she was eating just enough in front of friends to not cause any suspicion but not too much as to have enough digested that releasing it later would make a positive difference. After all, vomiting after eating only gets ride of 50% of what you have consumed.

It all started as strict dieting, she would only eat in front of friends, and she would control herself alone, but it started getting harder and harder and soon the tension and craving set in, so much that it was all she could think about, it was so powerful that she began to sweat and tear up, she couldn't resist what was forbidden, and gave in. With the all-or-nothing mind set, she felt her diet slip and went into the zone of total failure. It was only one Fat Cake, only one, but the notion of the fact she had already blown it came in, and that she might as well go for it….that was the first week.

She cried so hard after that, she ate much more than she had ever thought she could, she had spent all of the little savings she had and went down the Jiffy Mart and bought 50 dollars' worth of food.

The happiness was so short lived, her stomach was happy for the first few boxes and bags of candy, but soon she began to feel full, tears came down her cheeks, but she continued to eat. Once she was done the guilt and self-loathing set it, and there was only one way to fix it.

And that's how the cycle began. She would diet, for a short period of time, the cravings would catch up with her, she would binge eat, the guilt would grab her by the throat and force her to release the contents of her stomach into any porcelain bowl hear her.

The slate would be clean and the next day, she would restart the cycle all over again.

She **c**ouldn't believe no one had really noticed it, but then again she always eat large amount of food. No one would ever question the missing food, or the fact that she would eat so much that even they were shocked but never gain weight, the sneaking off to the bathroom so close after meals, the smell of vomit coming off of her, or the fact that she couldn't sit still after, hoping that the movement would burn off the food faster, or the most obvious, the fact that she wouldn't eat unless someone mentioned or gave her food.

Lifting her right hand up to her forehead she could feel the scars on her knuckles, the result of the constant action of sticking her fingers down her throat, her teeth scraping them as they went on and out. They were sore and rough, they hadn't been used in over 48 hours, she had been 'sick' at home for the past two days, but she would have to face the food tomorrow, there was no way of getting out of it unless she was looking for Carly to do some probing.

She let out a muffled cry, her throat clenching in pain from the consent abuse, she had to do this, it was unhealthy to be this fat, and she would be perfec**t**, she always felt so scared right before she did this, but the knowledge of the fatty substances floating around in her stomach, probably being digested as she laid there like a fat ass she was, she was just getting fatter.

Reaching over she grabbed her last Fat Cake, the tears spilling over her eyes as she stuffed it onto her mouth, her stomach protesting the undesired food, but ignored it, finishing it off with a pop of her lips against her fingers.

Getting up she grabbed a towel and some extra clothes, she would turn the shower on so just in case her mother came home we wouldn't hear her and she would have an excuse as to be in the bathroom for so long.

Standing rigged in front of the door, she gave her stomach one last squeeze. Feeling the fat bubble and gush around her hand and in between her fingers, she knew this had to be done.

She would be perfect, or die trying.

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><p><strong>Disclaimer; I do not own iCarly or any of the <strong>**or the "Eat Less" shirts, who are owned by Urban Outfitters**

**I know I should probably finish my other story first, or at least update it, but I want it to be perfect since it's such a big one and I had writers block (like you care)**

**Anyway! I can either leave it here and make it a one shot, ORRR I can make it a Seddie multishot (which is a full length story) I have a lot I can build off of this and did it because just in case people want a multishot I have something to work off of.**

**I actually got a lot of requests ot do a story like this, so I thought I would give it a shot :)**

**So tell me your opinion and maybe a little review on what you think.**

**Enjoy! (Look at bolded words)**


	2. Chapter 2: Hunger Pains

**The Perfect Silhouette**

"**Those 4:00 hunger pains are striking you hard.****"**

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><p>That morning Sam was up before her alarm, which over the past two months was not unheard of. Her night's were pledged with stomach pang's and tingling pain, her joints were starting to swell, and her shoulder's stung when she moved around in her bed, causing her to lay flat on her back to ease the pain.<p>

She reached up her hand and snapped the small switch on the side of the old alarm clock to the off position, it was two minutes to seven and she didn't think her head could take the loud screech of the warning sound. She gently lifted the thick comforter around her, even though the hot sun was beaming into her room and her window had been shut, sealing any heat in the room, she was still cold beyond belief.

Sam closed her eyes, hoping that if she let her mind wander that everything would just melt away. She liked living in her dream world, were her mother cared enough about her to come home more than once every few weeks, that she wasn't alone, and that she was skinny, _pretty _and _skinny_. She dreamt that she was perfect, and sometimes she would dream that she was so perfect that she shined in comparison to Carly.

Her eyes snapped open when her stomach gave a tense squeeze, it felt as if her stomach was going to explode, tears lining the outside of her glassy eyes. Sam brought her hands up to her middle, gripping onto the fat under them and clutched it under her fingers, brittle nails digging into the sensitive skin.

Small gasps and short pants were the only thing that graced the silence of the room. Once the pain subsided she let her body relax into the mattress, a moan escaping from her swollen lips. She cried out in frustration as she kicked off her blankets, letting the cold air pick and sting her skin making her shiver.

It seemed small things like getting up in the morning were a challenge, even the simple task of showering was enough of make her wish that she could fall back into her bed and sleep forever. She had heard rumours about those who didn't eat well enough, -she refused to admit to anything, and using the big A word was a no no- would start to lose their hair sooner or later, and most of the time she would leave her hair tangled and unbrushed, too afraid to see if her own long strands of blonde hair would suffer the same fate.

That morning Sam followed the same routine, spending 20 minutes trying to convince herself to get out of bed, her mind racing trying to come up with a million excuses as to why she should stay in bed, only to come up short, and eventually throwing the covers of angrily. Then came the shower, some days she didn't feel like she could keep herself up long enough to do so, the water pounding onto her, pushing her down towards the bottom of the tub, sometimes it was too much to handle, and today was one of those days.

Deciding to skip the shower she made her way over to the small wooden dresser, pulling out a pair of slightly baggy sweat pants and a long sleeve white shirt. They had become a comfort to Sam, using the loose material to hide her shame, clocking her body from the world, but in result only making her body look smaller than it actually was, but that thought always slipped her mind.

Grabbing a clean white elastic from her jewellery box she scrunched up her hair into a ball on the top of her head, lacing her finger's throughout it, and sealing it with the tiny stretchy object, strands of hair falling freely around her face and neck, making her hair appear look more tattered than it really was.

She peeled off her pyjama shorts and tank top, leaving them in a pile at her feet, and now, she had a decision to make. She could quickly slip on the clothing she had picked out for the day, not taking a single glance at her reflection, leaving herself some speck of confidence. And then there was the option of stepping forward, into the forbidden zone, if she did she would be able to see her entire body in her large full figure mirror. On most days she would walk right up and scene her body over, picking out every blemish and imperfection, but this wasn't a normal day, this was what she like had dumbed "Binge-Day" –ironically- she never dared to look or even weigh herself after she committed the crimes of last night, gorging herself with food and then guilty releasing them back out of her body in an unnatural way. She knew she would be fatter, and she had to get rid of it, but she knew somewhere the small morsel of the greasy fatty substance was still swimming in her system.

Grabbing the straps of her bra Sam tightened them the rest of the way, hoping it would help support her chest more. Her chest was starting to become smaller, and her bra was now too big for her, the fatty tissue ripping apart and disappearing until there was almost nothing left. She would have to go bra shopping with Carly sometime, something she dreaded doing, she couldn't stand looking at her friends perfect body she stood beside her, probably embarrassing her, after all, her friend would never let her out of the double change room.

Quickly pulling the scratchy material over her body she was proud, she beat the urge to look over and just even catch a small sample of what she looked like, even though she knew. Shuffling through the top drawer of her dresser she pulled out a small purple packet and braced herself for what she was about to see.

Sam made a promise to herself when the dark circles under her eyes appeared that she would do this. Her feet patted lightly on the ground as she squinted her eyes in attempt to block out the harsh light stinging her pupils. Letting her knee's hit the carpeted flooring Sam clenched her hands into fists and finally looked up, glaring at her reflection in the mirror.

Her face wasn't anything like she had anticipated, her face didn't look shrunken in, and she didn't look skeleton like, and her eyes didn't look like they were bulging out of her face. Instead her face was extremely pale, and her pupils were dilated, and what surprised her most, her cheeks. Sam noticed they weren't hollowed out, giving her that shallow sickly look; instead they were puffy and swollen, due to the enlargement of the salivary glands, caused by her excessive vomiting,

Swallowing the tears that she could feel forming in her eyes she opened her small purple packet and dumping the contents onto the navy blue carpet under her. Sam picked up the plastic tube and squirted the fleshy liquid into her hands and began to apply it to her thin, brittle skin. She had to do this every morning, her skin was so pale and warn, and to lighten the dark circles appearing under her eyes from lack of nutrition and sleep, and if she didn't, the peachy tint of the foundation would make her face look close to a lively.

Patting her face gently as to not leave streaks she set the bottle down and went for the facial brush and a square container of red cherry blush. Swirling the fine tips of the brush around she quickly wiped it across her face, leaving the small partials of bright red in its tracks.

Sam finished administering the rest of the make-up into her face she packed it back up into the packet and threw it right into the open drawer. Giving her face a once over she stood up, grabbed the sweater off the head of her bed, along with a pair of mismatched socks, she prepared to make the journey to school.

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><p>It happened almost every day, 5 days a week. During a certain time period for those five days her hands would sweat, her head would spin and her palms would become sweaty with anxiety. Those five days, during that dreadful hour she would look around, look around at all the beautiful girls, with their loving boyfriends, would stuff their faces, perfect teeth biting down onto the fatty foods, but not gaining a pound.<p>

And her friend Carly Shay was one of them.

Sam couldn't help but clench her hands into fists as she watched the small girl eat, the grease gleaming off the pizza, looking as though it would drip right off, and she felt her stomach constrict.

_That bitch_, a voice echoed in her head, it was familiar, but unknown, she knew the thoughts in her head were not from her, but they sounded like her. She ignored it, as it had become something almost normal over the past month.

She continued to glare at her friend form across the table, she flipped her long silky locks behind her shoulder, setting the pizza down and whipping the greasy substance form her fingertips. Freddie didn't seem effected by her beauty, over the past year the longing looks and adoring glances vanished, and were slowly replaced by friendly smiles and caring gestures.

A light voice broke through her thoughts, a small finger poking her in the shoulder, "Sam are you alright?"

Sam looked up into Carly's worried brown eyes, "Yeah, I'm fine why?"

"I don't know, you just seem a little out of it, I mean you've hardly touched your food," She looked down to her tray Carly was pointing at, she still had another slice of pizza, dripping and swimming in fat, and two fat cakes, rolled in fat, and two egg rolls, soaked in fat.

Well what she was getting at, it was fatty.

It was a slightly smaller meal than Carly usually packed her, due to her mother packing her small brown paper bags full of mouldy and un edible foods, such as a C battery, but Carly had mentioned how packing a large lunch for Sam and herself was leaving less and less for them to share between them, but Sam wasn't complaining.

"Yeah, I mean she only just ate two and a half slices of pizza," Freddie chimed in, mocking Carly's comment.

Sam shifted nervously in her seat, trying to remind herself to keep her legs closed, slightly hovering over her chair. Before either of her friends arrived she had placed a few thick napkins from the cafeteria on her chair, and whenever her two brunette friends were occupied with each other she would rip off large pieces of food and throw them into her lap.

"Oh, I guess I'm just tired, my mother had her 'friend' over again and I didn't get a lot of sleep," she explained, "If you know what I mean."

"Yes, I do," Carly scrunched up her nose in disgust while Freddie chuckled at her discomfort.

Carly ignored them and once again picked up the pizza, taking another delicate bite, the liquid staining her pearly whites. Sam would have been thankful for the distraction, but she would see Freddie eyeing her out of the corner of her eye, munching down on his own food, she clenched onto her jacket, which was odd since it was near the end of June, and looked down at her pizza.

Trying to keep calm, she lifted her hands slowly up around the corners of the pizza, fingers running over the hard crust, and she brought it to her mouth. Her stomach lurched, the muscles squeezed together, and her toes curled as she could feel the hot oil danced in her mouth, filling every inch and crack of her mouth, her lips shining as it dripped out.

Sam felt her throat tightened as she prepared to swallow, her eyes watered as she felt her airways clog and almost suffocate her. She smiled smugly at Freddie as the pizza made its way down her esophagus and into her stomach, and she could almost feel herself bloating, getting fatter and fatter.

There were times when she couldn't avoid putting anything into her, she had already consumed an egg roll and half a can of fruit juice and she was feeling sicker and sicker. The only thing Sam could think about was getting out of there and releasing the contents of her stomach into world.

Carly's loud groan of disprovement slammed into the wall Sam and Freddie had made with their eyes, making both of the teens look over at their friend. She was currently lifting up her dark purple shirt; a large dark spot stained the light fabric as she pouted.

"I can't believe this; this is like the only clean shirt I have left!" She took a napkin off her tray and proceeded to wipe the stain, hoping it would go away.

"Didn't you wear that yesterday?" Freddie asked looking her over.

"No, I wore it the day before that," she told him, "Spencer's making a sculpture using women's clothing; he took most of my shirts without asking, so now I have nothing to wear!"

"What is it?" Freddie asked, trying to keep up the conversation. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Sam ripping off a large portion of the pizza placing it at the edge of the table, and worked on the egg roll, tearing it in half and putting it beside the mangled pizza.

"I don't know, he won't tell me," Carly complained, "He even stole all of my bras," she whispered.

He could see Sam quickly, thinking no one was looking since he had his face and body shifted towards her, push them off the table into her lap, "I only have the one I'm wearing right now," she went on.

"Oh Sam!" Carly screeched, Sam looked up with an almost panicked expression, like she had been caught, "I remember what I was going to tell you earlier, I was wondering if you wanted to go shopping Saturday, I need some new shirts and maybe a few pairs of pants, and probably stop at build-a-bra."

"Oh, um, sure I guess," Sam stuttered, she couldn't think of a legitimate excuse to get out of it. Over the past almost three months now, Sam had used every excuse she could out of shopping, outings that would involve large amounts of food and even staying at Carly's for dinner. Carly new every excuse and how to get around it, her brain was to frazzled that she couldn't think of anything, so she had no other choice but to cave.

"Awesome," Carly cheered, "You should really get some new clothes too, I mean you have to stop wearing those sweats everywhere."

"Sounds fun." Carly jumped in her seat, not noticing her friends less than thrilled tone. "Oh Freddie you should come too," this caught Sam's attention, she could handle Carly, but she couldn't help but feel almost nervous trying on clothes in front of Freddie, though she didn't see him as much of anything, he was still a guy. Sam felt as though he would judge her and compare her to Carly, and that made her head hurt.

"Yeah!" Carly went on, obviously ignoring her friends looks, "We could go shopping in the morning, maybe go to the arcade, grab some lunch, do some more shopping, go by build a bra," she gushed excitedly, "Oh and don't worry Freddie, I'll make sure we don't torture you too much, it'll be fun for all of us, I promise!"

Both Freddie and Sam nodded their heads in agreement, neither really looking forward to going, both for different reasons. Freddie didn't think he would find the day enjoyable, being around two girls shopping, asking him what he thought and if they looked fat, asking him to switch sizes and find specific items, the only thing he looked forward too would be the food court, they always had the best food.

Sam didn't think she could handle all the walking, her energy level had subsided to almost nothing, she would hardly walk to her next class without feeling almost winded. She would also be expected to eat the large fatty foods they served there, and she didn't think she could find a way to avoid it, since she would be with her friends every minute, with school she could sneak into the cafeteria early and fix up her napkins, but now she was cornered.

Not to mention the fact that she would be staring at Carly the whole time, her body filling out the dresses, the jeans the tight shirts to perfection while she bulged out in all the wrong places. That in itself was a whole other battle.

"Alright, this will be so fun, I'm already excited," Carly smiled, picking up her empty tray and standing up, throwing her dirty napkins and plastic plate into the trash, "Well I'm going to head out now, class starts in 10 minutes, you coming Sam?"

"I'll be there in a minute, I just have to go to the bathroom, I drank a lot of juice today," she picked up her juice can and took a large gulp, her head screaming every second.

"Well hurry up, Mr. Harrison is going to kill you if you continue to be late for class," Carly told her sternly, wagging her finger at her.

"Yes ma'am," she laughed.

"Watch it."

She watched Carly turn around, Freddie during that time had made his way over to the trash and dumped the crust and pop can out, unmoving. Quickly she gathered the full napkin, and placed the remaining food into it, and placed it onto the bright red tray, feeling proud that she had made it through another day.

Walking up to the trash she nudged Freddie with her boney elbow, making him jump, "What are you doing, going to wait here for me to leave and take Carly's pop can out of the trash and drink form it?" she laughed at her own joke, she and Carly both new Freddie's feelings had changed, just by the way he acted, but she couldn't help but make a joke at his expense, she was still Sam after all.

Freddie groaned, not being able to come up with a suitable come back and watched her as she proceeded to let the contents of her tray fall down into the plastic bag rimmed trash, and walk out the double doors towards the bathroom.

Looking down into the trash he was surprised by what he saw, almost every piece of food Sam had on her tray, besides the bites he actually witnessed her eating, were laying there on top of His own and Carly's clean licked plates.

And he didn't know what to make of what he just witnessed.

**Disclaimer; I do not own iCarly or any of the character's.**

**I decided to continue this, I had some random ideas that I thought I should add, this is kind of a filler chapter, I'm hoping the next or the next next will have more progress.**

**This isn't going to consist of my best writing, nor do I care, it's just something for me to do, I've come to love my other story 100 Miles Down Seddie Lane and I'm probably going to update that one or this one on the next day or so.**

**Also, after about 2 chapters this story has a big blank spot, so if you have any suggestions feel free to say so, I take all the reviews seriously; I'm very thankful for all of them, good or bad :)**

**Black outs on hold for right now, for those who care, lol.**

**Enjoy!**

**-Stolie Silver.**


	3. Chapter 3: Mirror Mirror

**The Perfect Silhouette**

"**Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the fattest of them all?"**

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><p>Sam had waited until she heard the last bell ring before she stepped into the bathroom; she wanted to make sure there was no chance of anyone walking in on her. She was feeling very uncomfortable about what had happened at lunch, though she was not surprised, the day after she purged was one of the hardest, she felt gross and disgusting the day after, but after lunch, when she was alone, she felt the need to go back into the lunch room and dig through the trash until she found her unfinished food and eat until she exploded.<p>

All she could think about was food, it was her best friend and her worst enemy, but I was all that ever consumed her mind. She loved the smell of it, the feel of it, even the look of it, and all she ever wanted to do was be around it, but not eat it, being around it, you never eat it, and that's what she had done, she had broken her rule, and now she had to pay for it.

_You've been a naughty girl Sammi,_ the voice swirled around her. Sam covered her ears, she didn't want to hear the voice telling her how bad she had been, she knew it, _Why do you do this to me?_

"I'm not doing anything to you," she growled into the air.

_But you are Sammi, you're making me so sad, _The voice told her, _All I'm doing is trying to help you, you want to be pretty right?_

She paused for a moment, she felt like there was almost another presence in the room, like someone was behind her, but when she turned around, no one was there, _Why do you always have to ignore me, you never listen to me anymore, you used to listen to me before._

Sam began to become nervous, she wouldn't lie to herself that she had heard this voice before, months ago when she first started all this, but she never thought much of it, and gave into whatever she was thinking. Sam never really gave this voice a second thought, never acknowledged it, never replied to it, but she would follow every instruction given by it, but soon she started going off the tracks three weeks into it.

She would buy candy, feeling so weak that she just couldn't contain or restrain herself, but after three weeks of nothing other than water and rice she couldn't stop. She only wanted that one slice of pizza, she swore that's all she wanted, but everything seemed to come crashing down in that moment where she lost control, where she went to the store down the street, bought 35 dollars' worth of candy and sweets and gave into the craving.

She ate and ate, shoving more and more food down her throat even when she knew she was full and her stomach couldn't take anymore, but she still unwrapped every last piece of chocolate, every single Fat Cake ripped open, every package of candy eaten, and chugged down every last drop of high calorie soda, until she felt her body burst, and she loved every minute of it.

She loved the sweet taste on her tongue, the way it stuck to her teeth and the smooth feeling of it sliding down her throat. She felt a natural high from it, the happy feeling sending large amounts of endorphins to her brain, making her smile, her eyes rolling into the back of her head, but it all ended in a flash.

It was like that day three weeks before, she couldn't control what happened than, and it seemed to have taken a life of its own. The carbon form the pop and the sugar didn't seem to mix, it twirled and danced in her stomach, and she soon could feel it building up in her body. She couldn't stand, her head spun and eyes blurred and she wasn't able to stop what came next.

The combination made its unstoppable way up, shooting straight into her esophagus. She tried to contain it in her mouth, the mixture swishing around her tongue and teeth, but it became too much as more and more piled up and she had to breath, and let it spill out over her lips and onto the carpet.

"Just leave me alone," she said annoyed, making her way over to the stalls.

_You wouldn't want that, you need me,_ it laughed, knowing all too well.

"I don't need you; I've never needed you, or anyone else!" Sam screamed over the voice, gripping onto the cold metal of the stall beside her.

_Don't lie to yourself Sammi, you've always needed me, you don't even seem to realize what a disgusting mess you would be without me,_ the voice's tone was low and harsh.

"I've lived long enough without you, so shows how much you know," Sam laughed smugly, not even noticing that she in fact to an outside person, would be talking to herself.

_And you can see how well that worked out huh? _the voice laughed along with her, Sam's dying down along with it, _Look at you, your chubby cheeks, your thunder thighs, your bulging stomach, but you're getting better Sammi with my help, soon you'll be beautiful._

Sam let her hands caress down her stomach, and she bet if she actually looked down she would be able to see the fat hanging out from under the baggy shirt, _So you see it huh?_

Sam couldn't deny that it was right, it had taken care of her for the two months, three months tomorrow, and she wouldn't have made it this far, wouldn't have had that much ambition to keep this up if it hadn't given her the helping words and caring suggestions.

_It's nice to know that your finally seeing things my way, don't worry my Sammi, everything will be fine, I'll take care of you nice and good,_ the voice cooed.

"This isn't right," Sam muttered.

_Stop contradicting me Sammi, I've been with you for so long, and yet you have yet to thank me, _the voice sounded angry, _You would be NOTHING without me, so how about you shut up and listen!_

"You're not real though, you're in my head," she whispered, almost trying to hide it form the voice.

_I'm as real as you want me to be,_ it told her gently, _I've done everything, and will continue to do everything, in my power to help you, to make you happy, because I care Sammi._

"How can you care about me, you're not real," Sam was becoming nervous, she felt as if she was going insane.

_You're not insane Sammi, your just scared that no one will love you, but I do, _Sam felt as if she could even feel the voice smile while it spoke, _I care about you, that's why I'm doing this._

Sam nodded her head, almost afraid to speak, _Oh Sammi, I'm so glad you finally agree, _it cheered, _Now let's see if you can remember what we do when we break the rules, can you do it?_

"Yeah," She said mindlessly, almost like something was controlling her body and she wasn't about to stray away from it, letting it take over her.

Sam began to walk towards the stall, opening it enough to let herself in, _And don't forget Sammi, this is our little secret, because you wouldn't want them to take you away from me right?_

Sam shook her head again, the voice smiling again, even though she couldn't see it, she could just feel it against her skin, making her shiver.

"What are you?" she questioned, the hold on her body seemed to disappear as she asked the question that she had plagued her mind for weeks.

She felt a shiver run down her spine and her body grow cold, the voice was laughing, but the screech scratching her ears, but as the echo she was so used to, so comfortable with turned into a solid voice, she felt her face pale and her blood grow cold.

She was afraid to turn around, every inch of her mind was telling her to run, to close her eyes and forget all about this, but her being Sam never listened to common scene, and her curiosity took over, and she turned around.

Her body stiffened, her mouth open in a silent scream. She pressed her back against the hard gray metal of the bathroom stall, fingers curled around the sides to hold herself up.

She was met with her own face, her body, her eyes, and her hair, but it was different. The body was closer to the mirror than she, cutting off at the shoulders, her face a thin and tan, eyes bright with excitement, and her hair placed perfectly at her sides, smiling brightly at her with pure white teeth.

"I'm you."

* * *

><p><strong>Disclaimer; I do not own iCarly or any of the character.<strong>

**Well this is a filler, tying up two previous incidents, I thought that this chapter, though yes, it's SHORT, was good enough to stand alone, so the next one should be up very soon!**

**Also I think I've finally found a way to keep Sam in character, but also show how the disorder is messing with her head. Sam loves food, there's no getting around that, and Sam having an eating disorder is a lot harder to wrote than any other character because of that fact, so I think I have a way to please myself as a writer and to please you as my readers and ALSO keep Sam in character. So that will show up soon.**

**Enjoy!**

**-Stolie Silver.**


	4. Note

**This story is being discontinued, I'm not interested in it, and not many other people are either, I'm just going to concentrate on my other story and see where that takes me, I may or may not come back to this story, and I don't even know if I'm going to leave it up for much longer, but thanks to those who reviewed, favoured and altered this story, much love!**

**-Stolie Silver**


	5. CONTINUING!

Yay Another A/N

Okay as you know I have discontinued this story, but someone a.k.a purpledragon6 has picked it up and has continued from where I left off. So if you would like to check it out:

.net/s/7480125/1/The_Perfect_Silhouette


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